On Grief and Regrets

Grief, I find, is not a one thing. 

There is the pain of separation, then there are regrets about mistakes made, especially when it's too late to make any direct amends (amends can always be made towards the world at large).

And then there's habit: learning to live with a completely new reality, some of which is more difficult, and some of which is easier. 

Regrets are painful, but potentially useful when resolving to learn from them and do things differently, so they can foster growth. Making mistakes calls for making amends, and the only way I can repair any damage done with the mistakes I made in caring for Kinook, now that she's gone, is by writing about them in the book. This way, other dog guardians may do things differently and more usefully than I did. At the same time, parents of human children and guardians of pets alike will make mistakes by the flawed and fallible nature of our humanity, and when amends are possible, they will replace regrets, and thus we, as individuals and as a species, grow kinder, stronger, and better skilled.

The pain of separation is pure, clean pain, sharp and precise like a cutting knife. When a wave of this pain washes over me, I have no stories to tell, no wishes to make, no hairs to split in analysis; the only words that come to mind are: 'I miss you so much!' and then, there are tears, and feelings